I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
