all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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