Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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