I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
