I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
