Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize