Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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