I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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