You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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