I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
