Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
