Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
