i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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