i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
