In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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