i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
