I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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