either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
