I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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