cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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