Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
