Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
