Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The best revenge is premature balding
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
