Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
