I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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