He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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