if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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