Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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