guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
