my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
