Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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