I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
