....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
