i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a hot homeless man
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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