I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
