rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
