i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
