this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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