Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
