the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You smell like stripper and shame
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
even my farts smell like vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
