Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
