Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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