the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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