Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
