i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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