she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
