Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
