question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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