why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
