i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
