There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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