Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
