the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
