If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
