After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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