Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
