She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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