You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
