Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
