Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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