Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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