just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
