If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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