it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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