i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
