took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
