There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
