Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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