the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
