i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
